Look Ma, No Fears!

Look Ma, No Fears!

During my time as a natural hair advocate, I have run into a number of naturals who are still afraid to wear their hair just as it is. I understand! I am not exempt. There are times when I fall under the spell of needing to "do my hair" before I can walk out the door. But, it is something that I have been working on since I started growing my hair. My mama always said I was a wild one, so it may be easier for me to adjust to my unruly mane but I also want to encourage my other curlies. So, I want to share with all of you what I share with them.

     I love being natural, because I feel like it is my middle finger to the world. I mean to say that I feel like it is my way of telling others that I do not need to conform to any standard of beauty in order to feel beautiful. I do not need to comb out my naps, nor do I need to flat iron or shove them into a rubber band. God gave them to me in this big puff because that is how she decided I would look best. If women with flowing tresses do not have to be ashamed or alter the way their hair grows out of their scalps, then why should we?

     Now I know, it can be a lot to deal with, on those days I like to get out of bed, give my fro a little tug back to life and get on with my day. I want all women and men who choose to go down this journey to be able to feel the same way. It isn’t easy with people constantly in our ears saying "When you gone do your hair?" or the side eyes of disgust shooting through our fros trying to lay them down. But, who cares? If it’s not your hair then it will be your outfit or your makeup or anything else that someone can find to criticize. You will never be perfect enough for this world, but you can always be perfect enough for yourself.

     I want to challenge all my fearful naturals to just wake up one morning and fluff out that fro, give it a little shine and walk out the door (after you get dressed, of course). Feel the freedom running through your coils from not trying to make your fro fit in. It’s a fro baby! Once you started down this road, you left fitting in behind! Don't use that scarf to hide your fro anymore, use it to accent it!

     Please, keep taking care of your hair. But, don’t be afraid to just let it be sometimes! The point of being natural is to be natural!

P.S. I also worked on my fears! In my hand below are the clipped ends of my fro! It only hurt a little! I’m so excited about the growth that I made room for! And yours too ;)

    

Attachment Issues

 

Attachment Issues

One of my biggest hair fears is getting my ends clipped. The only New Year’s resolution that I made was to get over my fear and finally get a trim. It is actually really surprising to me since I wore my hair in a low cut for over a year and now after two years of growth I am dreading getting a simple trim, even though I know that it is stunting my hair growth.

This began me to thinking about Black Women and our hair. We have come so far, but it seems we still are struggling to let go of the limitations of our locks. We have those of us who put weaves on layaway and cannot leave the house or even guests over without making sure we have our hair covered or a wig on. We have those of us who sprint to the hair salon or hair store for a relaxer as soon as we feel the threat of a kink in our scalp. Then we have our naturalistas who are still afraid of their own kinks and coils.

We have a group of naturals who are afraid to just wear their afro as is. Some of us choose to hide our afros beneath natural looking weaves or braids. We have naturals that blow dry and flat iron it every week to keep it under control. Or just some that keep it as tame as possible.

Of course, we all have our own comfort zones, I understand. But, why are we so uncomfortable with our hair? We have been able to overcome so many obstacles as black women but our hair has always been a big hurdle in our society. Whether it be the “good hair” argument or just the struggle of treating our hair until we think it is good enough. Even amongst naturals, we tend to envy and praise the women with 3c or 4a hair and admonish ourselves for having anything more. I like to call it curl envy, though I am sure I did not coin this term.

3a Curly Twirly           3b Curly Spirally         3c Curly Coily

 

 

4a Coily Springy        4b Coily Crimpy            4c Coily ziggly

from naturallycurly.com

     No matter how much people compliment my hair, I am still always wishing that it was curlier or that it was longer or that it was more.

I know that the biggest reason that I am so afraid of trimming my hair is because I have received so many compliments on its length and growth rate and now I fear that going so long without having trimmed my ends will cause me to have to cut off a great length of my hair. (I have thought about it so much that sometimes I think that it would be easier for me to just cut all of my hair back off than it would be for me to simply trim my ends.) But, even more important than my knowledge of my fear is my knowledge that I am only hurting my hair worse and preventing further growth by not trimming it.

Why is it that we still consider women who wear their hair short as daring? I, like most naturals who allowed themselves to experience the big chop, can say that cutting off my hair was probably one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Not to sound corny but it really is liberating. Before I cut my hair, I used to hide behind it. I use to always have my hair hanging, covering most of my face and in some ways shielding people from getting too close to me. When I cut my hair, I had to learn to look people in their face, I had to learn to walk taller and be more firm in myself because there is no way to blend in with a low fade. Then when I eventually grew my hair out, I had to learn that just because it does not look tame, does not mean that it does not look nice. I had to learn that my hair is not going to sit down and cascade down my back because, well, that is just not what afros do. I also had to learn how to deal with criticism from people who didn’t understand this or just didn’t believe that it was the proper way to present yourself. Now, I am back here again, so attached to my hair that I am afraid of losing a inch or so even though it could help gain a few.

I will trim my ends this year, before March. Baby steps!

What hair fear will you overcome this year?