Attachment Issues

 

Attachment Issues

One of my biggest hair fears is getting my ends clipped. The only New Year’s resolution that I made was to get over my fear and finally get a trim. It is actually really surprising to me since I wore my hair in a low cut for over a year and now after two years of growth I am dreading getting a simple trim, even though I know that it is stunting my hair growth.

This began me to thinking about Black Women and our hair. We have come so far, but it seems we still are struggling to let go of the limitations of our locks. We have those of us who put weaves on layaway and cannot leave the house or even guests over without making sure we have our hair covered or a wig on. We have those of us who sprint to the hair salon or hair store for a relaxer as soon as we feel the threat of a kink in our scalp. Then we have our naturalistas who are still afraid of their own kinks and coils.

We have a group of naturals who are afraid to just wear their afro as is. Some of us choose to hide our afros beneath natural looking weaves or braids. We have naturals that blow dry and flat iron it every week to keep it under control. Or just some that keep it as tame as possible.

Of course, we all have our own comfort zones, I understand. But, why are we so uncomfortable with our hair? We have been able to overcome so many obstacles as black women but our hair has always been a big hurdle in our society. Whether it be the “good hair” argument or just the struggle of treating our hair until we think it is good enough. Even amongst naturals, we tend to envy and praise the women with 3c or 4a hair and admonish ourselves for having anything more. I like to call it curl envy, though I am sure I did not coin this term.

3a Curly Twirly           3b Curly Spirally         3c Curly Coily

 

 

4a Coily Springy        4b Coily Crimpy            4c Coily ziggly

from naturallycurly.com

     No matter how much people compliment my hair, I am still always wishing that it was curlier or that it was longer or that it was more.

I know that the biggest reason that I am so afraid of trimming my hair is because I have received so many compliments on its length and growth rate and now I fear that going so long without having trimmed my ends will cause me to have to cut off a great length of my hair. (I have thought about it so much that sometimes I think that it would be easier for me to just cut all of my hair back off than it would be for me to simply trim my ends.) But, even more important than my knowledge of my fear is my knowledge that I am only hurting my hair worse and preventing further growth by not trimming it.

Why is it that we still consider women who wear their hair short as daring? I, like most naturals who allowed themselves to experience the big chop, can say that cutting off my hair was probably one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Not to sound corny but it really is liberating. Before I cut my hair, I used to hide behind it. I use to always have my hair hanging, covering most of my face and in some ways shielding people from getting too close to me. When I cut my hair, I had to learn to look people in their face, I had to learn to walk taller and be more firm in myself because there is no way to blend in with a low fade. Then when I eventually grew my hair out, I had to learn that just because it does not look tame, does not mean that it does not look nice. I had to learn that my hair is not going to sit down and cascade down my back because, well, that is just not what afros do. I also had to learn how to deal with criticism from people who didn’t understand this or just didn’t believe that it was the proper way to present yourself. Now, I am back here again, so attached to my hair that I am afraid of losing a inch or so even though it could help gain a few.

I will trim my ends this year, before March. Baby steps!

What hair fear will you overcome this year?